[Mb-hair] Jorie sent this -Great!

[Michael Butler]

  Scientists Discover New Element
  
     A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science.  The new element has been named
"Governmentium".  Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 311.
  
     The 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.  Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.  However, it can be detected,
as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.  A minute
amount of Governmentium causes a reaction to take over 4 days to complete,
when it would normally take less than a second.
  
     Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay,
but, instead undergoes a re-organization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
  
     In fact Governmentium mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of the moron promotion leads scientists to believe
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration.  This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
Morass".  When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium,
an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has half as many
peons but twice as many morons.