[Mb-civic] Jimi, Judi, and God Smoke Dope On The Fourth Of July

[Cheeseburger]

Jimi, Judi, and God Smoke Dope On The Fourth Of July





Hi, kids...
Hi, God...
Is your Uncle Cheese here..?
No, he's out poppin' bottle rockets...
Oh, crap, I had something for him...
We'll take it...
Well, it's just for him...
What is it..?
Here...
Oh, cool, a dime bag...
That's a twenty...
You're kiddin'...
No, really...
It looks like the fuzz off a rat's butt...
It's a full 20...
Give us a break, if you want to hustle Uncle Cheeseburger, that's fine with
us, but we're not buying what you're sellin'...
Ok, look, I'll give it to you for a dime since he's not here and I need the
cash...
Whatya gonna buy, chewing gum...?
Haha, very funny...
Ok, Judi, the cricket cage, under the bed...
Judi reaches under the little bed in the cricket cage and carefully pulls
out several flattened bills...
Here... 10...
Cool, here ya go...
Is it any good...?
Of course...
Let's try it...
Ok...
Ok...
Jimi, Judi and God sit down on the carpet while God rolls one from his own
stash...
Ffftttssssshhhhfffftttt........ here...
Cool, fffsshhhhhhhffffffttt.....  here...
Ffffsssshhhhhhhhtttffffff........... Oh, wow, cool...
Told ya...
Yeah....
Say, God....
Yes...?
Uncle Cheese said you are like psychotic or schizophrenic or something...
Heh, yeah, he's been sayin' that about me for years now...
Is it true...?
Of course not...
Well, he said that anyone who would punish billions of people for centuries
for two naked people eating the wrong apple millions of years ago would have
to have a screw loose...
He said that...?
Yeah...
Yeah......
You tell him I said he's full of crap...
Ok, God...  But that's what he said to tell you too...
He said to tell me that too...?
Yeah...
Cocksucker...
Hehe...
Hehehe....
Hehehehe.......
Fffffffwwssshhhhhffffff......
Fffffffwwssshhhhhffffff.........
Fffffffwwssshhhhhffffff...........
Yeah, and he also said that then after you did that, you left everybody in
the hands of a bunch of religious, political, financial, and military nuts
and moved to Oahu or somewhere and had little Hawaiin girls bring you those
little drinks with the tiny little umbrellas in them on the beach and just
left everybody to suffer and die in misery at the hands of cutthroat
assholes century after century...
He said that too...?
Yeah...
Hehe...
Hehehe....
Hehehehe....
Well....?
Well what...?
Is he right.....?
Well, yeah, he's right...
See, I told you...
I know, I know, he's always right...  Here...
Judi takes a small bill from Jimi and tucks it into her blouse...
Did you turn Lot's wife into salt...?
Aliens...
Aliens...?
Yeah....
I knew it...
The burning bush...?
Aliens...
Noah's ark...?
Made it up...
You made that one up...?
Yeah, hehe...
Hehehe....
Hehehehe.....
All the measurements for the temple, this many cubits of that, inner
sanctums, gold from the people, etc....?
Aliens...
Again...?
Yep...
The different colored robes...?
Aliens...
All the plagues on the Egyptians...?
I can't talk about that one, I signed a waiver with the Mossad...
Oh, ok...
The 40 years in the desert...?
Aliens...
The burning bush...?
Aliens...
The tower of Babel...?
Ok, now that one was me, hey, they pissed me off, they worked really hard at
it, and I just got a little pissed at them...
The great flood...?
Mother Nature...
Really......?
Yeah....
Jonah inside the whale...?
Made it up...
The burning bush...?
That was me...
Circumcision...?
Hey, that was my wife's idea, blame her.....
The power from the ark of the covenant...?
Aliens...
Pillar of smoke by day, pillar of fire by night..?
Aliens...
Aliens...?  All of those things by aliens...?
Yeah, from the dark side of the moon...  They've been giving me trouble for
eons now...
Ok....
Then who is the devil...?
An alien too....
An alien...?
Yeah, I keep him trapped on this planet...
And you let him wreak havoc on people, with death, disease, war, famine, etc
etc etc...?
Again, you'll have to talk to the Mossad about that...
Oh, ok...
How 'bout the parting of the red sea...
Made it up...
You made that one up too...?
Yeah, well, hehe......
Hehehe...
Hehehehe.....
ffffwwwwsshshhhhhhhfhffffffttttfffff......
ffffwwwwsshshhhhhhhfhffffffttttfffff......
ffffwwwwsshshhhhhhhfhffffffttttfffff......
So, you just let assholes run loose on the planet creating death, misery,
havoc, destruction, oblivion, etc...?
Well, I step in now and then, but, hey, I just got tired of it all....
And so you sit on a beach watching the waves coming in with a drink with a
little umbrella in it....?
Well, hey, I ran the place for a long time, but then the aliens showed up,
the devil got out of hand, I had my hands full for eons dealing with them
all, even God gets tired sometimes, Judi...
Then Uncle Cheeseburger was right...  You just abandoned us to our own
devices here in the face of evil, death, darkness and destruction...
Well, not exactly...  I'm still hanging around here and there, I'm just not
sitting in any books that you've ever read that Men wrote about me...
You could still just wave your hand and make everything everywhere better
instantly though...?
Of course...
But you won't....?
Hey, look, Adam and Eve pissed me off, allright...?
But that was millions of years ago...  You made everyone else suffer for two
eggheads mistake a million years ago or something...
Hey, they screwed up, don't look at me...
So then Uncle Cheeseburger was right all along...
About what...?
About you being a really psychotic dickhead...
He said that...?
Yeah...
Oh yeah..?  Then what did he say about the aliens and the devil...?
He said they were psychotic dickheads too...
Oh, ok....
Ok....
Well, kids, I gotta go, another bag, another dollar....  Tell Cheese I
dropped by and if he wants me to beep me....
Ok, God, thanks for stoppin' by...
My pleasure.....
Bye, God...
Bye, God....
Later, kids....


He dresses kind of funny doesn't he...?
Yeah, hehe...
Hehehe....
Nice stuff, though...
Yep....
We forgot to ask him about Jesus, didn't we...?
Yeah...
Hehe....
Hehehe....
Well, I'm tired, Jimi...
Me, too...
Sweet dreams....
Sweet dreams......



The cricket goes over all the passages of the bible all night long with a
flashlight under his blanket writing aliens, god, or devil by each one with
his colored magic markers...  As the dawn breaks the morning of the 4th of
July, the cricket emerges, liberated, born again with a new understanding of
the universe, realizing at last that only God himself can sit on a beach
with drinks with the little umbrellas in them watching the waves come in and
go out as the world continues to be turned to crap by ruthless humans,
aliens, and the devil.



Is he dead, Jimi...?
No, no, I think he's just in a coma, Judi...
Oh, no, oh no, waaahhh....!!!!
Ok, ok, shhh, shhh, I think he's going to be allright...  Look, see, he just
fell asleep under his blanket and some acid from one of the flashlight
batteries burned part of one of his antenna's off....
Oh, great, thank goodness....
Yeah....  Lucky we put up that little smoke detector in his cricket cage...
Yeah...
That was Uncle Cheeseburger's idea, you know...
Yeah, I remember...
Ok, yawwnn, night, Jimi...
Night, Judi....




The cricket begins to softly chirp in its cage....








Cheeseburger

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