[Mb-civic] Fw: Quotes

[ROBERT CLARKE]

----- Original Message -----
From: Bob Ferrante
Sent: Monday, August 22, 2005 2:49 PM
To: ROBERT CLARKE
Subject: FW: Quotes


Brevity is virtue!  



Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
           - Lillian Carter (mother of 64th President, Jimmy Carter)

 I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.  But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:  "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
           - Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.  I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
          - Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
           - George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
           - Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books.  You may die of a misprint.
           - Mark Twain

What would men be without women?   Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
           - Mark Twain

By all means, marry.  If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
           - Socrates

I was married by a judge.  I should have asked for a jury.
      - Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.  Every now and then she stops to breathe.
    - Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
    - Jilly Cooper

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -
       Zsa Gabor

 Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:  alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
           - Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing.  It was here first.
           - Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
          - Ed Furgol

Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
          - Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness?  It can't buy you money.
-  Henny Youngman

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
           - Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
           - Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
          - Herbert Henry Asquith

I don't feel old.  I don't feel anything until noon.  Then it's time for my nap.
          - Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -
           WC Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
           - Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you.
          - Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
           - Phyllis Diller

The cardiologist's diet:  If it tastes good, spit it out.
           - Unknown

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
           - Billy Crystal






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